I went for a walk at dusk at my local beach. Put my feet in the sand and started walking, my mind wandering over the details of my life. Life has been a bit hectic lately as I shake old trauma out of my system, they awaken in me the strongest responses. Inner work is no joke, but I also see gigantic steps that make it easier for me to project myself into the future and start making plans.
I’ve never been one for plans. Survival strategy for someone that grew up with emotionally unstable and sometimes unsafe parents.
I am seeing with exquisite detail the mechanisms of my childhood and how they play out in my adult life.
Houria is my middle name, and it holds significant meaning to me. It eludes to the wind of freedom and liberation that carries me. Free woman, a name that paved the way before me. My grandma’s name.I lovingly named the healing process I created after it because as it turns out, it became my mission to free women alongside me.
And as I slowly put the shackles down, I turn to my deepest dreams. As I walk along this beach, feeling the sand under my feet, its many different sensations, the repetitiveness of walking, I brings me to the Sahara. I will be walking in its sands.
I remember the Sahara as being a wonderful place but a place that look so monotonous.
A few weeks ago, I talked to Regis on the phone again. I hadn’t heard since before Indo and my poor little neglected child mind kept pounding me: he doesn’t care. He’s given up on you. You won’t cross the Sahara.
So I messaged and a day later, I was on the phone with the man I could call a mentor if I dared. He gave me my next task. As a true teacher, he reveals just enough to help but not enough for me to cut corners.
I am an adventurer in training. The current task? Map each day precisely along the imaginary line I traced, based on the terrain using satellite mapping. Once I’m done, I’ll send it and he will give me feedbacks.
As I scroll through the many km along the initial rough itinerary so I can truly see where my 6 camels, the Chamelier who I am yet to let the universe bring to me and myself will be walking. Step after step. Day after day.
I feel blessed, and amazed at the diversity of landscapes in the Sahara. It is such a pretty place from the sky… I’m really looking forward to seeing it throughout the months it will take to cross to my planned destination. Plans! Ah! Who thought I would one day not dread them! 💙
